hotel room ftw
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
