You can't special order awesome
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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