Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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