No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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