I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
