You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
