Where is the hickey?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
