in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
