Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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