it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
