Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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