i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
