You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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