She's like a pop up book from hell.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
