You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
