I can tuck mytits in my pants
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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