well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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