I didn't shave. On purpose
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
