i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
