im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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