this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
