Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
