"it" just moved
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
