it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
