I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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