There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
