Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
