I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
