Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
