It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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