So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
