I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
