i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
