NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
