Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
