so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
