I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
