You can't special order awesome
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
