I bet he comes in French.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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