New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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