This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
