i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Found your dick twin last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
