My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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