I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
