$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
