I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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