There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
