Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
