walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she smelled like a LAN party
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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