my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pants are for mortals
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